A Valentine Thought

As a matter of

Self-integrity

Writers write

Teachers teach

Lovers Love

And children

Of the Universe

Play.

Have a light-hearted Valentine’s Day.

Courageous Connection

Knowing and being known

Receiving and revealing

Hearts connect.

Truth: seen and told.

Danger remembered:

Risk of revealing

Risk of receiving.

Fear dances with longing.

Make space.

Befriend both dancers.

Know neither is love.

Choose love.

Knowing

Being known

Receiving

Revealing.

Present, embodied

Intimate within

Intimate with life

Courageous connection.

Relational Economics

       I’d like to share a hodgepodge of thoughts on the economics of relationship. 

       A prosperous relationship is one with an abundant flow of giving and receiving – both of which are crucial to the vitality of relational life.  When we give freely, without expectations, we are enriched.  When we receive freely, without hesitation, we are equally enriched.  In a prosperous, generous relationship, distinctions between giving and receiving dissolve.  It’s all part of one flow.

       When a relationship is in economic recession, the flow of giving and receiving is clogged.  We get stingy with each other and withhold giving.  Withholding can be a way of life - or a way of attempting control in a relationship.  Some of us watch carefully to make sure we don’t give more than we get.  Sometimes, we give in order to get.  In that case, our gift is really a form of taking.

       I find myself, at times, following the golden rule.  I give unto others what I’d like them to give unto me – often a good strategy, but not always.  Skillful giving requires me to appreciate the other person’s language of love, to know the kind of gift that speaks deeply to him/her, to embrace the stretching of self that relationship requires.

       We can also clog up the flow of relational life by not permitting ourselves the fullness of receiving.  Perhaps, stuck in scarcity thinking, we see a gift to us as a loss for the other.  Perhaps we feel unworthy or suspicious or reluctant to incur a debt. 

       The economic model of abundance starts with receiving – daring to open ourselves to the energy flow of an extravagant universe.  If only we allow it, this energy comes to us in myriad ways:  from the sparkle of sunshine on freshly fallen snow, to the smiling eyes of a dear friend, to the vast quiet of a morning meditation.   

       In the economic model of abundance, giving freely – from a place of connection with ourselves and with the energy of life flowing through us – does not deplete us.   Pushing ourselves to give from a place of obligation, disconnected from the natural flow of life, does deplete.  And, as we are mindful of depletion, we are invited to re-connect and let ourselves be guided by that re-connection.

       There’s an old saying:  The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence – it’s greener where we water it.  As we water the grass of our life energy and the grass of our important relationships, we create a pasture of plenty.

       How good can we stand it?

First Step

       Here’s something I recently wrote to a friend who is going through a rough patch.

       When I’m in pain or turmoil, overwhelmed by life, my first impulse is to fix me or my situation.  Self-acceptance and self-compassion are hard to come by in those moments.  And yet, I believe, they constitute – precisely - the first step that needs to be taken.

       This poem by Courtney Walsh arrived from my good friend Dan at a perfect time.  The inner judge was having a field day – harping on my imperfections, resurrecting old unworthiness stories.  It was a mercy and a healing to encounter this refreshing take on the human condition.  

Dear Human

Dear Human:  You’ve got it all wrong.

You didn’t come here to master unconditional love.

That is where you came from and where you’ll return.

You came here to learn personal love.

Universal love.  Messy love.  Sweaty love.

Crazy love.  Broken love.  Whole love.

Infused with divinity.  Lived through the grace of stumbling.

Demonstrated through the beauty of… messing up.  Often.

You didn’t come here to be perfect.  You already are.

You came here to be gorgeously human.  Flawed and fabulous.

And then to rise again into remembering.

But unconditional love?  Stop telling that story.

Love, in truth, doesn’t need ANY other adjectives.

It doesn’t require modifiers.

It doesn’t require the conditions of perfection.

It only asks that you show up.  And do your best.

That you stay present and feel fully.

That you shine and fly and laugh and cry

and hurt and heal and fall and get back up

and play and work and live and die as YOU.

It’s enough.  It’s Plenty.

             Courtney A. Walsh

Trying Easy

        On Christmas Eve, my dear friend, Marika Blades, sent around this quote from Paul Boynton, author of Begin with Yes.  “The holidays are filled with so many expectations and we are tempted to put our energy into making a storybook happen for ourselves and people around us.  This year let’s not try so hard to make it happen.  Let’s relax, open our hearts and arms and quietly see what happens.” 

       Old habits of struggling and trying hard can be tenacious and energy draining.   As the new year begins, I wonder about a different path – the path of trying easy.  I wonder about moving gently with the flow of life within and around me.  I imagine greeting each moment with eyes and heart open – receiving it, responding to it, releasing it – relaxed and ready to greet what comes next.   

       After devoting years to the practice of trying hard, I’m ready to experiment with trying easy.

      P.S.  I had decided on “trying easy” as the title and theme for this new year’s posting several days before Marika’s email arrived.  Once again, I’m struck by life’s synchronicity – its offer to support us with its energy and propel us with its currents. 

       We are not alone, and we really don’t have to work so hard.

       Happy New Year!

Christmas Awe

       According to quantum physicist, Niels Bohr, the opposite of a small truth is a falsehood, while the opposite of a great truth is another truth.  Great truths are paradoxical in nature.

       For me, Christmas is a great truth.  Human birth signals a movement from oneness in the womb toward a lifelong path of individuation – celebrating and discovering uniqueness and individuality.  The birth of Jesus adds a new dimension to the path.  His birth and his teaching orient us toward oneness – the unity of human and divine.  Christ-consciousness reminds us that we are one with each other, one with God, one with all that is.  The path of individuation is only the first part of a spiritual journey that eventually returns us, deepened by the journey, to original oneness.

       Christmas immerses us in mystery – the awesome, paradoxical truth that each of us is simultaneously one with everything and distinct from everything.  We are all one, and each one of a kind.

       In one version of the Christmas story, there was no room in the inn for the birth of Jesus.   Christmas invites us to make room in our “inns” for the birth of Christ-consciousness.  It beckons us toward spaciousness.

       Let’s open our hearts to mystery and immensity this season.  Let’s make room for Christmas awe.

Relaxed Readiness

       Advent, in the tradition where I was raised, is a time of preparation, anticipation, getting ready.  As I consider it now, a question arises:  How do we prepare for Grace? 

        If we’re not attentive, not ready for the unpredictable arrival of grace, we may miss its quiet approach.  If we’re tight or if we tighten, we may block its arrival or choke the fullness of its presence.

       There’s a balance, here, and a fluidity:  attending and softening, receiving and letting go, keeping eyes open and heart open, staying observant and transparent to the flow of life.

       This balanced state is what Richard Moss calls “relaxed readiness”.  It is a natural state that most of us need to re-learn.  And thus we practice.  Moment by moment, we are aware and we breathe.  Moment by moment, we see and we soften.

       We prepare for Grace.

Meditation Mercy

       Some years back, I shared a podium with a delightful Benedictine nun.  We were presenting on meditation and spiritual practice.  I remember being organized with my notes, as I talked about various approaches to centering.  In contrast, my co-presenter spoke off the cuff about what a treat it is to give ourselves quiet time and what fun it is to take regular breaks from the cares of the day.

       There was light-heartedness in her message – a playful spirit, an invitation to be at ease, to be merciful and gentle with ourselves – very different, in tone, from the somber spirituality that focuses on discipline and hard work.

       A few weeks ago, my friend Nicky sent around a quote, which echoes this merciful approach to spiritual practice.  It’s from a workshop she attended with Australian meditation teacher, Bob Sharples.  I pass it on for your enjoyment.

       "Don’t meditate to fix yourself, to heal yourself, to improve yourself, to redeem yourself: rather, do it as an act of love, of deep warm friendship to yourself. In this way there is no longer any need for the subtle aggression of self-improvement, for the endless guilt of not doing enough. It offers the possibility of an end to the ceaseless round of trying so hard that wraps so many people’s lives in a knot."

Bob Sharples

       It’s our nature to deepen.  When we listen and soften to our true nature, we grow quite nicely – even without “the subtle aggression of self-improvement” and “the endless guilt of not doing enough”.

Happy Thanks-giving

       When I feel into my body as I give thanks to God or anyone else, I remember a fundamental truth:  A grateful heart is a light and joyful heart. 

       Treat yourself to happy thanks-giving.