Skip to main content
James Bryer Ph.D.  Softening to LoveServicesJames Bryer Media ResourcesJames Bryer Softening EventsWisdomsAbout James Bryer and Softening to LoveContact James Bryer
Latest Posts

Thursday, November 27 2014

Asking Gratefully



       In his new book, The Endless Practice, Mark Nepo suggests a paradoxical unity in two apparently contradictory activities: asking for what we need and accepting what we’re given. 


       “Asking for what we need is a practice in being present and visible that lets us become intimate with our own nature.  Accepting what we’re given is a practice in being present to everything beyond us that lets us become intimate with the nature of life.”  (p. 59)


       Listening to what we want/need connects us intimately/respectfully with ourselves.  Letting loved ones know what we want/need connects us intimately/vulnerably with them.  Noticing what we have, with a grateful heart, connects us intimately/joyfully with life.


      Listening, disclosing, thanking – beautiful ways of saying yes to relationship at all levels. 


       Please and thank you come together.  Gratitude infuses every request.  Having happens.


       Happy Thanks-giving.  Happy having.







Posted by: AT 08:33 am   |  Permalink   |  Email
Sunday, November 16 2014



       Darkness has long been associated with evil and suffering – as in dark forces and dark night of the soul.  The season reminds me of another darkness – a darkness at the center of our being – a profound silence, the fertile emptiness of an eternal now, a haven, an oasis, a womb that - moment by moment - nurtures, births and transforms us.


       As the days grow shorter and the nights longer, we are invited to rest in this deep, gentle, healing quiet.  At 2am this morning, a poem came.



Befriending Darkness


The season of darkness

calls us inward

calls us home.

A cozy home

awaits us

warms us

wombs us.


The season of darkness

calls us inward

calls us home –

our mansion with many rooms.

Some we visit often.

Some we seldom enter.

Some we’ve yet to discover.


We enter the darkness

as we enter life –

not knowing the future.

Ego peers ahead

predicting, planning

feigning control

seeking escape from unknowing.


We enter the darkness

as we enter life –

not knowing the future.

Wisdom softens, listens

musters integrity

and heart

for just the next step.


The season of darkness

calls us home –

gently, tenderly.

Its cozy vastness

cocoons us.

Its silent emptiness

incubates fullness.


The season of darkness

calls us home

calls us to presence

calls us to now

whispers “everything’s here,

everything’s fine.”

The darkness births light.


Trust the darkness.

Trust your home.

Let it hold you

and behold you.

Let it birth you

and free you.

Befriend the darkness.





Posted by: AT 12:52 pm   |  Permalink   |  Email
Sunday, November 02 2014


A Soul Story



        In the tradition I was raised, All Soul’s Day (November 2) is a time to remember and celebrate those who have gone before us.  During Thursday night’s group, through guided meditation, story sharing and candle-light ritual, we connected with loved ones on “the other side” – the other side of what I believe is a very thin veil separating us.


      In honor of the occasion today, I share portions of something I wrote a good dozen years ago, exploring ideas about soul and the human condition.



Softening to Mystery:

A Story of Us


         …Softening to mystery means saying “yes” to apparently contradictory things, to accept paradox, to live with ambiguity and a “not knowing” that does not allow us to pin life down, or to pin ourselves down.  It means opening to darkness and light, the infinite and the infinitesimal.  We cannot be easily sized or sized up.  In this story, we humans are mysterious indeed.  We exist in three levels:  Personality, Individual Soul and God Soul.


         The level of personality includes the material body with all its physical attributes and chemical quirks, the mind with its habits and patterns, and the ego identity with all its characteristics and attachments.  Even at the level of personality, where we are the most obvious and observable, we are quite the mystery.  Biological and social scientists spend their lives trying to make sense of us at this all-too-human level, where we are a mass of contradictions.  With all our weirdness and goofiness here, our capacity for the heroic and horrific, there is one constant:  we are finite beings.  The ego is going to die – and it knows it.


         While the personality is unique and temporary, the individual soul is timeless.  It is the uniqueness of us that transcends time.  God speaks creation in the eternal now.  Each of us can be viewed as a word in God’s vocabulary – all interconnected, part of one lexicon, each distinct.  At the level of individual soul, we are unique, eternal, and many.


         There is only one God Soul.  In some mysterious way, we all share It.  At this level of being, which I believe is our core, we are one with God.  Mystics in every spiritual tradition speak of this oneness.  Here, we are infinite, divine, and one.


         Softening to mystery invites us to include and integrate all of who we are.  In this story, each level of being is true of us.  Each has its unique reality.  And all three are woven together in seamless wholeness.  There is oneness in this “three-ness”….


          There’s an often-told Zen story about a monastery that was floundering.  Membership was dwindling in a climate of bitterness and back-biting.  Somehow, a rumor began spreading that one of the monks was Buddha reincarnated.  There was much speculation about who that person might be.  Soon, the monks started treating each other with new gentleness and care.  After all, no one wanted mistreat the Buddha.   The monastery grew to be a center of joy.  It flourished, attracting new members from miles away.


         In grade school, I remember being taught that we are children of God.  Many religious traditions and spiritual practices invite us to cultivate an awareness of our divine origin and connection.  As we soften to this aspect of the mystery, a reverence for ourselves and for others grows quite naturally.  We may even remember that, at the level of soul, we are deeply in love with each other and always have been.


         In this story, no matter how hatefully we behave, we still have a divine spark.  No matter how holy and evolved we become, we’re still goofy.  In us, both the sublime and the ridiculous find a home.  Softening to the mystery of the human condition invites reverence and compassion, humility and humor….



       Please enjoy playing with the mystery of who we are.  Story it in any way that feels right to you.  Just don’t expect to solve it.


Posted by: AT 01:53 pm   |  Permalink   |  Email

 "James has a very welcoming presence and an easy going demeanor in addition to an excellent sense of humor . We are all free to be our own goofy selves."

    James Bryer - Softening to Love
    copyright 2022 all rights reserved
    Site Design and Hosting By Metaphysical Websites