I'm a nice person. As I'm mindful of this quality in myself, I see a genuinely kind James, living in love. I also see a younger James, sunny on the outside, who chose niceness as a way of protecting himself from the unpredictability of early relational life.
A wise and adaptive choice at the time, niceness became automatic. Originally intended to protect relationship, it now interferes with authentic, loving connection.
Consciousness work offers an opportunity to interrupt the automatic – to slow down and be more fully present with ourselves and each other, to relate from a stance of integration and embodiment.
Automatic niceness conceals more than it reveals. Turns out, it's not so nice.