How Good Can I Stand It?

 

         Brene Brown speaks about a natural discomfort we have with joy.  Anticipating its demise, we hold back from experiencing its fullness.  We’re nervous, also, because many of us live with a happiness ceiling - a threshold learned early in life that limits our capacity for happiness and joy. 

 

         As life becomes richer for me, I am noticing that ceiling - an inner pushback to the happiness that is growing within me.  The noticing is a gift.  It leads me toward healing practices. 

 

         I breathe deeply into the uneasiness I feel in my belly.  I speak gently to myself – acknowledging the threshold and its anxious warning, reminding myself that it’s just a carry over from old protective strategies, no longer relevant.  Ever more clearly, I see this discomfort an indicator of growth, not danger.  I soften and smile and welcome my movement into new territory.  It’s delicious stretch. 

 

         The challenging question, now, is not how much adversity and suffering can I handle, but rather, how much happiness, joy, peace, contentment and gratitude can I make room for.   

 

         How good can I stand it? 

 

        

Shortly after awakening this morning, I opened an old folder and found this poem.  It spoke to me – joyfully - of marvelous awakening.

 

 

 

Last Night as I Was Sleeping

Author: Antonio Machado

Translator: Robert Bly

 

 

        Last night as I was sleeping,

                  I dreamt – marvelous error! –

                  that a spring was breaking

                  out in my heart. 

                  I said: Along which secret aqueduct,

                  Oh water, are you coming to me,

                  water of new life

                  that I have never drunk?

 

                  Last night as I was sleeping,

                  I dreamt – marvelous error! –

                  that I had a beehive

                  here inside my heart.

                  And the golden bees   

                  were making white combs

                  and sweet honey

                  from my old failures.

 

                  Last night as I was sleeping,

                  I dreamt – marvelous error! –

                  that a fiery sun was giving

                  light inside my heart.

                  It was fiery because I felt

                  warmth as from a hearth,

                  and sun because it gave light

                  and brought tears to my eyes.

 

                  Last night as I slept,

                  I dreamt – marvelous error! –

                  that it was God I had

                  here inside my heart.